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Every Wonka candy seen in a Wonka movie, ranked - Polygon

Which Wonka creation is the most delicious?

The first sight of that room in Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory with the churning waterfall and a whole meadow full of candy is always pure magic, no matter the version of the story: 1971’s Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory starring Gene Wilder, 2005’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory starring Johnny Depp, or the newly released Wonka starring Timothée Chalamet. Push Pops Candy Wholesale

Every Wonka candy seen in a Wonka movie, ranked - Polygon

The candy is pretty darn wondrous, from the Everlasting Gobstoppers to the Wonka Whipple-Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight. Watching the first two movies as a kid made me crave these magical chocolates. And rewatching them as an adult was no different. However, not all chocolates and candies are created equal, especially in Wonka’s world, where plenty of them have some… interesting side effects.

Now there’s a new entry in the world — and a whole host of new candies. It’s the perfect time to sit back and look at all the candies across the movies and decide which ones I want to eat.

Here are the rules for eligible candies:

A general disclaimer: This is based entirely on my own personal preferences. If you think the 1971 chocolate river deserves a higher spot on the list, you can take it up with the people in the comments.

Without further ado, here is every single one of the 69 candies in Wonka movies, ranked by how much I personally want to eat them.

[Ed. note: This post contains some spoilers for Wonka (2023), as well as the 1971 and 2005 movies.]

This candy is briefly mentioned and never seen. It does not sound appealing at all!

It simply looks too gut-like. It’s very gross!

Veruca drapes these over her shoulders as she and the other children wander through the candy world. I do not like how they look. I cannot imagine them tasting very good.

Listen. I know it’s a classic, but this river looks less like chocolate and more like sewage. The consistency is just completely wrong and it doesn’t look appetizing in the slightest.

Call me boring, but I do not think I would enjoy the sensation of my candy moving around in my mouth. I have a hard time eating cookies with faces, so there’s no way I’m going to enjoy munching on a writhing creature trying to escape being eaten!

We don’t see this but I simply do not think it would be very fun, even for my enemies.

This one, as Wonka says, needs tinkering. I do not want to be covered entirely in hair, so no, thank you. At least the candy itself does not look gross.

It looks… like a leaf! There appears to be some sort of chewy texture, but I don’t think I could get over the mental dissonance of chewing on a leaf.

It looks… like grass! This one gets a slight leg up over the leaf, because it is an artificially vibrant green, so getting over the dissonance would be easier IMO.

Wonka describes these as something you can suck on and then spit in seven different colors. We don’t see this in action, and to be honest, I’m not sure how I feel about the concept.

NGL, part of the reason this is so low is because I am allergic to apples and therefore do not like apples.

Why would I want to go through the steps of getting blackout drunk without the actual fun of a night out? At least it looks tasty.

I’m very torn here. On one hand, I would love a candy that makes you float! On the other hand, this makes you float via tiny insects that hatch in your body?! That’s just horrific! I do not want to think about a bunch of tiny insects crawling around inside of me! That’s enough to bump this otherwise fantastical chocolate to the bottom of this list.

Basically the same as the Hover Choc, but with fewer unsettling holes dotted across the surface.

I don’t like how… bulbous these mushrooms are. Instead of looking appealing, they look like cancerous growths. This is further cemented when Violet’s mom eats them and it looks like her mouth is bleeding.

Veruca breaks into one of these and eats its innards with her hands. It’s much like the aforementioned gourd Mike Teevee smashes, but at least this time, the innards actually look appealing!

I love chocolate. However, this is too much chocolate. I would die.

Augustus grabs a handful of this and shoves it into his mouth. I don’t like the tendrils that grow out of it.

Augustus eats some of these spherical candies. They look fine! I can’t even really tell what the flavor profile is supposed to be.

It’s not really clear if these are jelly beans, jawbreakers, or colorful truffles. But they look nice!

Once again, I can’t really tell what the flavor profile or texture here is supposed to be, but it does look rather magical.

What flavor is this? Hard candy or chocolate? We do not know, but the colors are inviting.

They’re candy canes, but big! I imagine that since they’re in a lot of different colors, they come in a lot of different flavors.

It’s a lollipop, but big!

Gene Wilder’s Wonka takes a sip out of this, implying they contain some sort of sweet liquid, then he takes a munch. It has kind of a waxy texture, which reminds me of those wax juice bottles that were all the rage when I was in fourth grade (you definitely weren’t supposed to chew on the wax, but my entire class did).

Clearly an homage to the original flower teacups, these ones look less waxy and more like hard candy, which puts them a cut above for me.

If I can get over eating a cute bear (I’m fine with faceless gummy bears generally, but a big one seems like more of a hurdle), then I think biting into this big gummy creature would be delectable.

Mrs. Gloop plucks some of these to put in her purse. They look pretty standard and pretty good!

These look delicious and Willy clearly describes the vanilla flavor. However, my hair does not need repair, so I don’t think I’m the target audience for this one.

These just look significantly less cool than the 1971 Gobstoppers.

See below, except I think this one just looks less cool.

Would I risk it all to try this gum? God, I wish I could more confidently say yes, because I’ve been fascinated by the concept of this gum ever since I was a kid.

Can’t go wrong with a classic!

Still can’t go wrong with a classic!

They look really adorable, and the only reason I didn’t rank them higher is because I don’t like eating food shaped like cute things. Thankfully, these don’t buzz or move around in your mouth (as far as we can tell, at least).

Wonka shakes a tree and these candies come toppling down. Fun!

It looks fun and chewy!

The 2005 movie begins with a long scene of some standard Wonka Bars in production. It’s a methodical montage, à la How It’s Made, and all the bars look delicious.

Do we ever see how the eggs look when cracked? They’re supposedly chocolate eggs, so that’s something. I would eat one. I would probably share it.

We don’t see it, but Grandpa Joe describes it! In theory, I think I’d like it, but I’m also one of those weirdos who likes to melt their ice cream and mix it all together, so I don’t think I’d love it.

I would like to lick it, but also it looks so pretty I’d feel bad about licking it.

Probably chocolate coins if I had to guess. I can mess with those.

Is it just chocolate, or did Wonka put some sort of crispy basket-like texture in there? I must discover.

So — spoilers — technically this does not start as a Wonka product, but Willy does finesse it a little, and by the end it is a Wonka product. It looks like fondue, and I’ve definitely had fantasies about just slurping the chocolate in a fondue pot.

This only comes at the end, and it looks pretty standard for a Wonka chocolate river — not as gross as the 1971 one, but not as good as the 2005 one.

I like the dusting of snow here. I imagine it’s like a powdered sugar effect. I would like to take a chunk of it, but I would not commit to eating the whole mountain.

In his television interview, Augustus munches on a bar. It has a distinct name, but it is (1) obscured by his hand and (2) in German, so I’m not really sure what it is. It looks good though!

These treats reappear throughout Wonka. Willy uses them as payment and as bait for the thieving Oompa-Loompa. We can assume they’re chocolate, and they sure as hell look good! In-universe, everyone is fawning over them. I hope they’re truffle-like and have a great filling in the center.

This is a lot of stuff for one bar. It takes away from the pure wonder of the chocolate, if you ask me. Whipple, fudge, and mallow? Separately, they all sound delicious, but I question the wisdom of combining all of them.

I assume this is like the structure of a Reese’s peanut butter cup, but with regular cream. Or is the cream peanut butter? Either way, I enjoy the experience of eating a cup-shaped chocolate with filling.

Strip back the extra ingredients and a Fudge Mallow bar sounds good. I love fudge and marshmallows.

I love nutty chocolates! What is the surprise? I must find out.

It’s long. It’s the biggest bar in the Wonka inventory. What does it contain? We do not know, but it is apparently one of the most delicious bars, and judging by what we see of it, I’ll believe it.

You know the chocolate guy from TikTok? These look like his creations, and I want to eat them.

This is an even cooler version of the above — bigger, better, with more delicious treats hiding in the corners!

I will say, the 1971 Everlasting Gobstoppers look like they’d be kinda painful to suck on for long periods of time, but I am curious about how it would feel in my mouth. It’s like a Tide Pod, you know? Or any sort of “forbidden” candy. I just want to experience the sensation of running my tongue across all its crevices.

On one hand, I want to lick the wallpaper. On the other, the sensation of licking without being able to chew would infuriate me. I will be Tantalus in the Underworld, doomed to never fully taste what I crave. I accept my fate.

This one is for everyone who looked up at pink-tinged clouds during sunsets and wanted to eat them. There’s a chance that it could just be regular cotton candy, but it’s also Wonka, so maybe it’s the essence of a cloud. I long to touch it. To taste it. To know bliss.

I don’t know what it is about this particular cream that speaks to me, but it seems to be just the right texture. I imagine the flavor is light and gentle — just a hint of vanilla amid the perfectly stiff peaks. Scooping the cream out directly is so indulgent, but I want to do it.

So much of what makes Wonka shine is getting to see the process behind the treats. The hot chocolate routine is so twee and just looks delicious. I came home from my screening and made some hot cocoa myself, though I don’t think it was nearly as good as the magical chocolate that Willy pulled from his hat.

Wonka and Charlie only describe this, but I love all these flavors and I just think it would be very fun and oh-so delicious!

I am so very tickled by Willy’s process of making this little chocolate. It looks more like a very fancy soap than candy, but I’m into that.

I keep making the Kombucha girl face at the possibility of giraffe cream, and ultimately my curiosity wins the best of me. I will try the giraffe cream. It helps that the macarons themselves look really good and they also make you confident. If I was confident, I would be so unstoppable that I’d do something real wild like pitch my editors a list where I sit down and rank every single candy that appears in all the Wonka movies.

This one makes such a brief appearance, but I’m haunted by it (in a good way). It’s like a Nerds rope without the Nerds, a Twizzler without the twizzle. Just a long red gummy rope, probably cherry flavor. I want to gnaw at it. I want to slowly nibble away at the long string throughout the day and feel it stick between my teeth.

It is my opinion that the 2005 chocolate river is the best chocolate river across all three Wonkaverse movies. Admittedly, part of it is personal preference. It’s a shade darker than the 2023 one, which points to a dark chocolate, my favorite kind. Drown me in the chocolate river. Let it carry my body away as I slurp up that sweet nectar.

A delicious chocolate that makes everyone around you burst out into song and choreographed dance? Sign me up! I already burst out into song on a daily basis, so getting all my friends to eat these and dance with me would be a dream come true. And yeah, they look great too!

All I’ve ever wanted to do in life is fly. Every time someone asks a hypothetical “what superpower would you have” question, I answer “flight!” without a second thought, even when people poke holes in my argument. I long to soar, to float, to be without gravity. And that scene in the 1971 movie where Charlie and Grandpa Joe sip on the sodas and float gently above the factory became seared into my mind when I first saw it as a little kid.

I love carbonated beverages. Diet Coke cures many of my ailments. I always have a seltzer. And you’re telling me that some sippy-sips of this drink will let me fly. No creepy insects crawling in my body? Sign me up. I will sign away my soul, my worldly possessions, ignore the fine print, swear to never leave the factory again, never eat a Slugworth chocolate, and do many, many, many things for a taste of the Fizzy Lifting Drink.

Every Wonka candy seen in a Wonka movie, ranked - Polygon

Rotate Lollipop Candy Wonka is out in theaters now.